I have no idea what I'm doing - but does anyone ever really know? These doubtful thoughts consumed me from the moment I walked across that silly stage for that silly ceremony. Maybe my brother was right, not showing up for graduation, but our entire family had been there. Looking back, I'm not sure what I expected. Leo was always doing things like that, always too busy roaming and wandering to really be reliable to anyone.
I shouldn't be thinking these things, especially not towards my own twin. Yeah, we're twins. Identical. It's not all it's cracked up to be, at least in my opinion. And every time I try to get it through his head how much he hurts our family with his stunts, he sighs and rolls his eyes. "Damian." He says my name like he's said it a zillion times before - which I suppose he has, as much as we disagree. "It's okay. Really. They don't need me."
Yes, they do. I do. This isn't some two for one deal and I shouldn't be standing in for my brother at the expense of my own achievements, my own life. I guess I don't know what to do anymore.
There was a bang, the flimsy metal table trembling as my brother unloaded a full tray of food. If there's one thing we do have in common - I mean, aside from being physically identical - its the fact that we both eat like horses. "So, how's the job hunt going?"
"Shut up." I know Leo doesn't deserve my bad mood, but 'the job hunt' is all anyone asks me about anymore. "I already get that from mom all the time. I don't need it from you too."
"Only asking about your well-being, baby brother." That's another thing that drives me nuts. Mom once let it slip that Leo was born first and he's never let me forget it. Jerk.
"You're asking because mom told you to," I accused. He shrugged, not denying it, as he unwrapped a burger and bit in. I was still glowering.
"Fine. Mom told me to, but that doesn't mean I'm not worried."
"Good to know someone is."
"Oh, come on. You know better than that."
"Can we talk about this later, please?" I'm begging and I know it. "I've got a client in about an hour and I need to get ready."
I can tell from the way my brother's jaw tightens that he sees through what I'm saying, that he knows I'm trying to avoid this whole mess. It's not like I have any other choice. I do have a client today and I need to be focused on my job instead of - well, any of this.
"Fine. I'll talk to you later, D." As he turns to leave, shoulders tense and head down, I wince. Great. Now he's mad at me too.